I wanted to begin this blog post as a Dear Me letter, when I realized that this sounds way to trending for where my heart is at the moment. This right here is a Heart Moment. Today is September 22, 2016 the first full day of Autumn. I awakened this morning in the vibe of “I’m turning over a New Leaf” but really, I’m uncertain of what that looks like, and more importantly what that will feel like for me. See, as of now, I have recently resigned from my day position as a Child Protective Services Social Worker, you know the “baby snatchers”. Yes, this position was taught me what it really means to see Trauma. I’m certain I’m dealing with post-secondary, no doubt. So, I’m here, and available to offer full time spiritual services for which I LOVE. It makes my heart sing. I realize that as much as I am a Spiritualist, and I use this term loosely because my abilities can be categorized, that’s not important right now. I’m essentially a space holder for folks to do their own healing, I take my abilities along for the ride. And so this leads me to this space, this morning, feeling like, I have turned over a New Leaf. No, this is not about my service to the world but my service to myself. So, I thought to myself what is the most cathartic and creative space for me to work this out, my blog. This is suppose to be a space of sharing, I’ve used this space to share mostly my teachings, videos and a like. BUT I have decided to turn over a New Leaf and use this space for processing my emotions , feeling my life and dare I say HOLD SPACE FOR MYSELF. Okay, so I’m trying, to figure this out. What exactly does it mean to HOLD SPACE FOR MYSELF ?!
So, as I’m here burning my neroli and cedar incense sitting in the nude with my laptop, fresh out the shower with a cup of my favorite Womb Tonic, Red raspberry leaf tea with a dollop of orange blossom honey. I realize, perhaps this is what holding space for myself feels like. Perhaps, holding space for myself is moments like this, when my family is still at rest and I can freely sit here in the nude on my laptop with tea. Of course there is more to this, i’m sure, I’m a Sagittarius and my thoughts, feelings and emotions run deep as the ocean floor. So, I’ll take time to ponder this more. My question, What does it really mean to hold space for Me? This will be a living document indeed. I’ll do this list style.
Holding space for myself feels like…
- The stillness in between movement, its the little pocket of spaces that are not filled with to do lists of mental clutter. Its the space where I can just Be. Like right now sipping this tea, as I hear my family rise and get busy. The birds are singing and there is a ray of light coming in the window. I’m good.
- Its the ability to understand and Act on the most healing things I can do for myself is in grace, humility and justice, knowing that I will not get it right 100 % of the time, but by Goddess I have to do something ! Hence, I’m here writing in the nude. Ha! I’m talking about waving the flame of my Creativity this season. Writing is everything, and truly has been one of the most healing tools that I have had. You see, I am an extrovert, I love the mirror effect, to bounce thoughts of of people, to master mind, even my deepest thoughts. I pretty much have a hard time doing this with myself. So writing helps me to be with ME and to feel safe doing it. I dunno, it something about witnessing yourself through sacred text, you know. An audience of One.
- Forgiveness, for the past week or so I’ve been feeling a deep sense of Humility, this is a Work in progress, well not so much Work but mindfulness that Everything has Value and that when I am in a space of humility I can really feel my life, I’m at ease. I can see more clearly and I’m at peace with myself and my surroundings. Humility is a teacher and its teaching me the value of forgiveness. Not just for myself, although this one of the most Important spaces to hold for myself, even daily. This is an Intention here, yes Hoʻoponopono Style. Hoʻoponopono (ho–o-pono-pono) is an ancient Hawaiian practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. (The Google Gods). I realized this morning that I can heal myself with this ritual or practice, but also my family members and ancestors. That by using this practice I can relieve myself of A lot of Shit. I mean hurts and pains, while Accepting that I came here to learn these lessons to, not all of this is my Ancestors shit ! Yea, there is a great sense of Maturity with this, because I totally get it, there are things that has happened to me, and choices that I have made as a result of my DNA, the scientist call this : Epigenetics. Basically its the shit you and your ancient do or don’t do that influence your DNA, your code. It’s the script. I’m scripted for brilliance and some dark shit to. And its the dark shit that I’m ready to Leggo ! So this reminds me that Autumn is the season of inner healing, silence and reaping of course, I’ve taken inventory of my harvest and I’ve done some pretty awesome things this year so far, I’ve hit many of my New Year Intentions for the year and I’ve survived the death of my Mother and Grandma-n-Law. Its an ongoing healing, but hey with Ancestral Consciousness and being a Medium, it makes life easier for me and my family. They right here in this house withe me. I hope to apply this technique this season for myself and my ancestors. After all, Forgiveness is the next logical step after Acceptance.
- Slowing my Ass Down ! Yes, okay my feet hurt, I mean seriously physically hurt. I’ve been running for quite some time, pushing, healing, making moves, expanding, now its time to Chill and really reap my harvest. I am here freely, sipping on tea, writing on my lap top. My husband is showering and my baby girl is at the table with a bowl of cereal. My Life is good, I can slow the pace down and feel it. I am safe to do so. I have All that I need. I am here. Later, I’ll do what I love. Ancestral and Womb Divination. but, no talks about service. This is about Holding Space for Me. Next.
- Grace, Grace and more Grace. ‘Nuff said here. I think about the Divine Feminine Way of things and we move through ebb and flow, cycles of nature, intuition you know the stuff of the red tent and the Moon. We are just fuckin Magikal. but its really the Grace that makes us difference from all other creation, well at least Men lol. So I implore more Grace in my Life. I will explore what this means and feels like for me, I can say one thing, its certainly not pushing ! I move with ease and grace in all that I do. I live the feminine way. I have all that I need, why push, I’ll receive it, and move at the pace I am divined to move. No More Pushing I Proclaim ! lol Yes, this is a healing sweet spot for Me.
- Breath. Wow, so I come to the conclusion that I have been so busy with my aspirations to save the World ! Okay I know I am not the only one in Super Woman Recovery ! But yes, I have been all about that life, that I have not been breathing, okay it will help to move my body more and chill out, but for God sake ! I have shit to do and Create ! Who has time to Breathe. I think about an old Weight Watchers Coach I had many moons ago, before I started my Intuitive Eating Movement and actually trusting myself to eat how I chose. Period. That’s another point tho. She use to say ” Well, how is that workin for ya ?” When someone would share on grievance of things they should or shouldn’t be doing for their highest good. ” How’s that workin for ya ?!” Really, I need and deserve to fuckin Breathe. Oh sacred Air is so Powerful. So Clearing. I want more of that in my Life. And for fresh Autumn breeze, the crispiness of it All, my Goddess ! I Shall BREATHE AGAIN ! lol but seriously, my Lungs need rejuvenation. So I’m loosely considering working out again. No pressure but Air, yes it’s necessary for Life.
- Being One with my Body. Being One with the Earth. Mama Earth. So, for most of my Life I have been disconnected form my body, hey, you’ve seen me. I got some weight on my bones. You know its safety issues. But I realize this morning, that hey I’ve done a lot of the deep shit. (taking inventory of my sacred healing) I’m feel empowered and safe here. This place is beginning to feel like HOME. So as I did my grounding ritual, for which I plan to do more of. I got some Root Chakra healing to do. 😉 In all humility, I just wanna feel Her. I just wanna be Her. To take in All that Mother Earth has to offer, I feel her Energy a few days ago in Ritual, she cares for me and desires for me to feel at Home here. I’m safe here, now its a matter of reconciling this with All of me. But yes, it starts with Humility and reverence for all that she has offered me and Man. That is human kind, you know. So I begin this journey to really feel Her presence in deep gratitude and humility. I’m looking to discover ways to do this and this season, is Perfect, plus it my favorite season ! I LOOOOOVE AUTUMN !
Well, it appears that I’m done. I don’t have anything else to say about my list. I will say this, I feel that I have held space for myself in this space. I witness myself first and foremost and I had fun doing this, so I will continue to explore these themes in my life and what it feels like in Action by God and Goddess Grace. I have a deep sense of Humility in this. Hey, its Autumn, and I have turned over a New Leaf. I Live. Yes, I Really Live. Ase’.
Open Heart Living: Moments at a time, in between time. Peace.