Loving The Regrettable Mound

Dear Womb Goddess,

I’ve been engaging with connecting and healing trauma in my right breast.. lovin her up. My ongoing intention is to be loving nurture.. to nurture myself and others.. nurturing myself into all manners of prosperous conditions of my life for the good of all. I didn’t realize how much my holy mounds influenced this.. I’m sitting here in this space of loving feminine nurture right now.. but I want to go back and share…as I accepted this invitation her in the month of love.. 

I began with forgiveness.. so much forgiveness was needed illuminate the disconnect I had with my right breast, you see when I was a young girl,  I burnt my right breast.. I had some resentment about this with my mother.. she’s in the ancestral realm now.. no love loss.. I adore my mother. When I was about 9,  my mounds began to sprout.. I was a chubby girl so they were really present at this time.. I recall wearing a gown that was a bit old and needed to be tossed, there was a hole in in where my right breast set and nearly my entire areola was exposed. My mother and I were popping popcorn on the stove and I heard her say a few times.. watch yourself.. your gonna get burned.. watch yourself.. and some how I burned my tender breast all around the areola. My mom got some butter and rubbed on it.. the burn stunted my growth.. I have suffered self -embarrassment most of my life when it came to both breast because my right breast was a size smaller than the left..

I remember a day as a young adult getting undressed in front of my mom, for some reason and she asked me about it.. years had passed and  it felt as if she never realized the outcome of the burning that took place.. although I’ve had many lovers, I mostly kept myself covered during love making.. I revealed myself with my high school sweetheart.. this was a very.. very Bitter more than sweet relationship and he pointed out this flaw on several occasions.. I spend most of my young adult years with him and this feed insecurity within me in many ways.. it wasn’t until I gave birth to my second child, my daughter that I began to embrace my breast. I breast feed her and although this breast didn’t produce a lot of milk for her.. it did  produce and it was amazing, she loved my right breast just as much as the left.. I recall nursing her and my mother-n-law spoke in judgement.. “does that breast produce milk”… I said yes and kept nursing her.. I sat in silent pain with this for a spell and disregarded it. My right breast has been a place of feeding my baby girl and a space of sensual nurture to my husband but she was never really my own. Often times both of my breast are a sexual utility for me..

I realized with loving the unlovable breast , that I have never really connected with either of my breast but I honored the left more because it was my “normal full size breast”. I wore pads many days so that they can appear even.. strapless and other outfits that emphasize breast where a place for embarrassment for me..  I didn’t deny myself but I’ve been conscious of this through out the years.. my husband has never.. ever spoken of the unevenness of my breast.. he just loved them up.. for his pleasure and mine.. never a dialogue about it, perhaps I will bring this to attention.. in time. Now, I accepted an invitation as part of living my feminine wholeness through self-nurture and after all this is love month !  I see here that I could not truly nurture myself and especially not in any type of prosperity without connecting with my feminine space of nurture. As women our breast drip in liquid gold.. nectar…they are pillows of comfort to all.. we all nurse on the breast of Mother Goddess daily for life.  With loving awareness..  l accepted my disconnection, years worth of it . My breast hang there.. they’ve nurtured men and baby.. but I’ve never allowed myself to love them and be nurtured by them, especially the “deformity”.

I began with connecting… just turning my attention to my breast gently..  it took what felt like an eternity to come to me.. even for me as a channeler…I asked her what do I need to know.. I began to travel back in time to the day that I injured myself.. I felt all the pain and resentment towards my mom and to myself.. all the embarrassment and shadow.. I felt the invitation to forgive.. forgive my mom.. forgive myself..I asked what’s the wisdom in this… I found myself deep in forgiveness ritual and love.. blessing all parts of the past pain.. blessing my breast as she was in that very moment..pouring love and light rays of healing…I am the forgiver.. I am the forgiven.. I touched my breast.. something I don’t do with attention.. in the shower I wash.. without real regard so I began to touch my breast.. I gave myself a breast check.. and I realized, I have so many swollen lymph nodes along my side, underneath my arm pits and some in the love handle beneath her.. I touched.. with wonder.. loved.. and blessed.. 

A day passed and I partake in my daily body blessing ritual.. nothing to really recall…

This morning, I awakened and brought loving attention to my body.. greeted that day.. said my prayers.. welcomed the miracle of the day.. and it came… I felt my right breast.. she wanted my attention.. I saw with my spiritual eye.. she was filled with blue sky and white fluffy clouds.. she was free… so I continued to connect with all my lovely lady parts.. blessing bringing loving awareness and I felt both breast.. they had beautiful flowers placed upon them.. my yoni mound.. my womb.. all adorned with flowers in spirit.. I spoke gently to myself.. blessed is my life.. blessed, my feminine is whole. I never felt so beautiful and complete.  I gave in…

Mystery.. occurred and I can’t recall but I arrived in a space of inquiry… and I found that my right breast.. the smaller one.. took on the energy of a pear and the right a cantaloupe.. yes if my breast were fruit, what would they be.. perhaps you can inquire to your own beautiful mounds..with so much yoni waves she became a pear.. filled with sensuality.. in  some Chinese culture the pear represents the virgin and child.. sweet and innocence other cultures a sign of affection.. so the google gods tell me, as I did a google search of discernment.. naturally a pear is feminine.. I felt it deep within my yoni… its the fruit of the feminine form ..and Goddess.

The pear is extravagantly and deliciously feminine with its exquisitely golden tinged skin, which yet is of firm texture, in the melting sweetness of its flesh, in its vaguely penetrating fragrance, in its subtle and ravishing and various curves, even if you will in the tantalising uncertainty as to the state of its heart, yes, the pear is surely a fruit perfectly endowed with the qualities which fit it to be regarded as a completely feminine symbol …allaboutheaven.org

 

Also, connected with my left breast.. the larger one… and it presented as a cantaloupe.. juicy refreshing.. nurturing.. reminding me how good and gratifying life really is. So, with one breast nurturing my sexiness and yoni soul.. the other refreshing me in a continuous state of gratitude with recognition of the blissings of my life.. I am feeling so juicy.. feminine and loved up… I exhale.. and all my life is nurturing me prosperous.

So.. I wonder if there is more shadow to unearth.. perhaps there is or perhaps this simply is a miracle.. and all is truly forgiven.. I’ll leave  that to mystery  .. but for now.. my beloved breast  is feeling free and loved.. and I will continue to bless her with this freedom and wholeness..

.. every day I welcome the miracle of the day.. it came swiftly in the form of breast fill clouds.. my right breast, the breast that carried shame and un-forgiveness.. now feeling blessed, loved.. honored.. free and as beautiful as earth mothers floral.. arranged in my own loving bliss… Blessed is my breast.. both of them.  

So, my sisters.. I invite you in.. bless your mounds.. and regrettable feminine parts… bless them up in loving holiness.. and tell me the mystery of it.

with love.

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